Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Inside Out

I am feeling torn apart and inside out after reading a blog that I have been following.
For a little while now I have been reading
Monday Changed Everything which is a blog of a courageous young woman whose husband died Monday, October 15, 2007.
It is her painful story of her life and what she has been enduring since that terrible night.
After reading her blog, I was overwhelmed at the amount of courage she has shown in these past days and months.
Her own words on Tuesday, April 1, 2008:

"It is sinking in deeper and deeper that he is really gone. He isn't coming back. I always knew this mentally but it is now really hitting emotionally. I am really doing this by myself. I am really living a life without him. Years and years seem to stretch before me now and all I can feel about them is that he won't be there to share them with me. I will always be alone. Always missing and loving someone who I can't see, feel, hear or touch."
But in these past few months I have read about her struggles and her feelings and I thought that she was really starting to adjust to her painful new life, a little bit at a time. Her putting her true feelings in her blog has seemed, to me anyway, that it was helping her to cope slowly and one day at a time.
And then today I visited her blog and read this:
"Locking it Up
So, the inevitable has happened. Someone from "real life" has started reading this blog and got mad about its contents, so I have to lock it up. That makes me sad because I have connected with so many widows with young families through this blog and have had a safe place to vent, rage, think, and reflect on things. We have shared each others lives with each other- the good and the bad. Shared our hopes and our not so nice thoughts. Through it all I have been honest.
But I just had a very sad conversation with the friend I have been writing about lately, and well, this blog was used against me. If I am going to continue to have a safe place that I can be honest and share my journey with other people going down the same horrible road, I should not censor myself.
If you want to continue reading please either leave your email in the comments or email me directly @----------
I will leave this post up until June 7 and then I will be locking it up.Edit to add: if you email me, be sure to take out the spaces in the email address.
I am overwhelmed already by all the positive emails and comments. Makes me feel a little better after the incredibly horrible day. Grandma came and picked up the kids so that I can cry it all out- the loss of this blog and the loss of the friendship. Thank you."
How very sad for this brave young lady who was only trying to work through her grief by blogging her true feelings and thoughts.
So my friends, my question to you is, would you feel that you would have to make *your* blog private if someone you knew disapproved or was not happy with what you were trying to say in your own words?


Merle said...

Dear B N ~~ I am so sorry about your friend who has been hurt and is locking up her blog. Has she thought of making another blog with a totally unusual name and NOT telling that 'friend' about it. I feel so sorry for her as she has found how great the blogging world is and how we care for each other.
Thank you for your comments and I am glad you enjoyed the story of Rose - what an amazing old lady. Take care, Love, Merle.

Mental P Mama said...

That is so sad. I am pretty headstrong, so I don't think I would comply. However, she is in a very vulnerable place right now, and may need that person more. Just so sad, all her losses.

sablonneuse said...

How sad. I went over and left a supportive comment and then started to read the first few posts. It made me shed a tear.
I presume 'lock-up' means that she can continue to write but people can only see it if they have a password. It seems she has many supporters and I do hope she will be able to carry on.

Bear Naked said...

Merle, Mental P Mama and sablonneuse.
Thank you for taking the time to read about this brave young woman.
It is so sad that she has to deal with this now.
Big bear hugs to all of you.

David said...

It is sad that this very courageous lady has to lock up her blog. Many would blog through it, but not knowing her personality, she might not be at that place where she is strong enough to. I will head over and leave her some words of support if I am able. Thanks for this post!

Bear Naked said...

David thank you so much for going over to Patty's blog and leaving such a nice message.
Perhaps she will see how important *her* blog is, here in the blogging world.

Nervus Rex said...

This is very sad. From the looks of things, Patty has made the world of difference to many people. It's very unfortunate that her voice will no longer reach out to those who are searching for help or a kindred spirit.

I am very careful in my own blog, and would have to go totally anonymous to post private journeys. I have an abusive ex-spouse, children to protect, and I can't write much about work due to the fact that I am an RN in a well-known unit. I don't tell people I know that I blog, and I do censor myself.

I see a lot of stories in myself that need to come out. I should start an anonymous blog and leave no clues...

I wish Patty peace and I hope that she will be able to continue growing and sharing in her own corner of the blog world.

Bear Naked said...

Nervus Rex.
Thank you for your comments.
It is a shame isn't it, that she feels that she must lock her blog?
Even if only one person would be helped, it would be worth it.

My man in the moon said...

I am so sad for and her loss. This is so wrong and selfish of the person that is taking this last ting from her. My heart aches for her and I wish there was something that I could do. I am new here and I’m so sorry I haven’t gotten over to see her blog and share her thoughts. I hope that the friends she has made here will still be able to maintain so contact with her and give the support she needs. It’s so hard to express in words the sorrow of losing the one you love. And to be able to connect and share it with friends is a special thing. But for someone to take that well life is a full circle and there is always a price to pay when you hurt someone. I am truly sorry and I will say a special prayer for her.

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